If this is life then what do I do? I do not want to cope with life. I don’t want to go to bed only feeling like my day was not a waste, or that life didn’t pass me by that day. That’s a life I refuse to live.
I am not comfortable defining my life in definite positive terms, or what it ought to be. But I don’t want to relegate half of my life to monotonous obscurity. I want to live in a state of mindfulness. I want to be conscious of the now, reflect on the past all while being ever prescient. (this is why I reject the ‘things will work out’ explanation-it’s fatalistic)
I want to draw on an example to help me explain:
Last week I was sitting on the metro coming to work with my headphones on. I have to pass the Pentagon everyday so it is not unusual to see people in military uniforms. Yet, that day a man walked on with a very different uniform. As I practically gawk at this uniformed officer he walks to my seat and sits down. While slightly surprising that he would choose to sit next to me, given he had 3 other men with him, I nonchalantly looked out the window. As I am turning he says ‘hi.” At this point I am growing anxious. Questions begin racing through my head; ‘what did I do?” “Who is this guy?” “Where is he from?”-military officers are ominous so this is natural right?
I look at him and without taking my ear buds out respond courteously with a customary acknowledgment . But the commander is tenacious, “he asks me how long I have been in D.C.?” I think to myself do I wreak of some D.C. newbie stench? I try to respond in a calm tone, “a few weeks, and you?” He explains that he is from Sri Lanka.
I take the lull in conversation to formally introduce myself, “My names is Garrett, I just moved out here to advocate for increased investment in global health research.” I then wait for him to introduce himself, but he doesn’t. I try to give him the hint by looking at what I think is his name tag, but he leans back seemingly to block my view.
Paranoia kicks in, have all of the books I have checked out and research I have done on nuclear weapons put me on some government list? Is this man a government spy? Do I have a surveillance detail following me? Am I about to get recruited for a secret spy mission? (Clearly I do not live in reality because these thoughts actually crossed my mind).
The next few words out of his mouth were unintelligible, but not wanting to ruin my chances as a spy, I engage him in a bit of enthralling small talk.
Me: “How long are you going to stay in D.C.?”
Sri Lankan Cmdr: “1 year”
Me: “Oh, I assume you’re working at the Pentagon, what do you do there?”
Sri Lankan Cmdr: “I work *unintelligible*military*unintelligible.”
At this point the American with them explains that they are going in the wrong direction, so the Sri Lankan Cmdr. says good talking to you, and disembarks with his group. As he walks past the window-pane where I am sitting he kindly waves good-bye.
I know you were hoping for some thrillingly sublime story with an ever-twisting plot. Sorry, the first time it doesn’t work like this. But, the experience did fan a kindling idea left over from my time with Megan. When we broke up I incessantly thought about why I was so broken. I have too many hypotheses to count, and even after so many months I still struggle to reconcile it all (This is not something I am willing to blog about). But I do know that when we went out we often found ourselves in stimulating and engaging conversations with the people around us.
I can tell you that I learned about the importance of human interaction. That some of the best parts of the day can come from the ordinary, the moments that are generally relegated to obscurity or considered monotonous. Every interaction does not produce the same wondrous fruits; sometimes the conversations leave a bitter taste in your mouth. But more frequently than not, I come away with higher spirits.
With this wisdom I have made an active decision to engage people. That doesn’t mean I engage everyone on the metro car I am riding. It does mean if opportunity presents itself I seize it. To illustrate I hope you will allow me a few more examples:
I was listening to a podcast about what it means to be a young black male in America today and I choose to turn to the young black man next to me and inquire about his sentiments.
I was asked on the street where the metro is, and instead of directing the man across the street, I walk him to his train. While walking I learn he is an author and meeting with the president the next day. We end up talking about climate change and fast breeder nuclear reactors.
I did get in a conversation with my co-worker about John Rawls.
I did discuss continental philosophy with authors of a book about science advocacy.
I did talk to a girl about the Russian literature she was reading on the metro.
I did talk about HBO shows, and reincarnation at a bar with a man twice my age.
And at the very least I came away from these conversation having met one other person, having broken through one more wall that pervades my every day interactions.